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musings on reincarnation and faith


Questions that came to me: Is this the beginning of my wisdom? Will I have the answers, or will I even need them?

Is there reincarnation? How many are reincarnated? How many times is one soul reincarnated? Where do they go to wait in the mean time? Are new souls created? How can we have 7 billion people and have all come from a small collection of souls?

Are souls meeting again and again through time? As parallel paths that sometimes cross over while traveling to the light? The tunnel, channel…a long dark path that has a tiny flickering light at the end, the closer we come to the end of it the brighter and larger it becomes and the more the darkness fades away…but there is never a time when there isn’t a pinprick of light calling us, beckoning us to come, unless somehow we shut it out/off/close our eyes to the truth?
Are we really families of souls? Groups of souls, that are related and when they pass on are waiting for us in purgatory (the in between)…reaching out to bring us back into the fold? Is there the one who is always a “male” father authority figure? The one who is always a “female” authority figure? The one who is always beside us on our “level” such as a sister or friend? The one who is a constant source “soul” of wisdom? The one who is a constant source of temptation or evil?
I think the brain is more readily called the mind, more rightly known as “mined.” Wherein we mine through our dreams, our past lives, our position on the tunnel, in the tunnel, our memories; to find the lessons we need to accomplish this life and promote/push/draw us closer to the light.
It is said we use only 10% of our brain/mine capacity; in return trips do we learn to use the portion of it that allows us to survive in whatever circumstances face us? Say in one life we use the portion that allows emotions and in another that allows a great accumulation of knowledge? Or even being born just inherently knowing? like a prodigy, perhaps because the time it would take to physically learn it would diminish the ability to influence certain people…and that last one makes me want to know if a prodigy or savant can actually live a “full” lifetime of say 85 years? And are there “savants” who are prodigies of philosophy and prophecy? Aborted lives or lives cut short, by pain or death…is that part of our journey where our purpose is to be a catalyst of change in other soul’s lives?

What if our mined collects and remembers every “lifetime” we’ve spent on this journey back to Him and that is what is in the other 90% of our mind? What if we don’t remember happenings because for simplicities sake, we have filed that information in the “miscellaneous” file instead of labeling it like “events” such as birthdays, holidays, first days of school, special times with someone else…When we meditate do we allow an opening to the “file cabinet” and can we see or retrieve even for just a second dreams, inventions, memories, identities?

Chanting, meditation connecting with clarity to the tunnel…the infinite passageway…allowing the free flowing bond of peace that connects us to the light, the Supreme Being. Is meditation – chanting – prayer…the mantra we use to open ourselves up to Him, whether it’s “ohm” “noel” “hallelujah” any kind of constant repetitive statement that allows us to go to a place where there can be no other thoughts to intrude.

Maybe we spend a lifetime, of however many years as an observer, like a tree, even a redwood that lasts for thousands of years, forcing us to just be silent, forcing us to live within the confines of the space around us as far as the roots we have can grow or travel. Coming back as an animal who is a servant to others…teaching us what it means to lay down one’s life for another…not that every animal is a “soul vessel” but that some are, which could explain why some animals seem to have a “deeper intelligence” or a “closer” connection or an “ability to observe and discern” emotions and pain.
Jesus said we would do greater things than He did while on the earth; prophecy, healing, raising the dead, multiplying the fishes and the loaves, increasing prosperity (such as cast your net on the other side and there being an over abundance, so that it strains the net/container), seeing into people’s lives, wisdom, meditation, prayer, rising from the dead. He accepted His life circumstance and was content in it, teacher, leader, and preacher, shepherd, which of these are things we can do and do more of? And which are just the definition of Him and who He is?
Jesus said He goes to prepare a place for us, but leaves his Holy Spirit to abide with us…unlimited access to Him and the Father and all things of/in heaven…He doesn’t always call it heaven – it’s My Father’s house, a place, the firmament, the heavens…what does “the heavens” really mean? Are there more than one? Or are they just an uncountable amount of space and this wording is what we would understand? How much of the Bible have we unknowingly limited because we can not fathom the answers? In my father’s house there are many mansions/rooms…many suggests it’s a human word for what we consider unlimited, but by using words like that we are limiting Him and His creation.
Time; there is no time, only what we as humans described it to be as a way to catalog history – His Story, if we define the turning of the planets as time periods are they the same as His understanding?, Was one day to Him a million years or 24 hours? Was the word “day” man’s definition for that “time?” He took to create say the “heavens and the earth.”I do not believe we can be “God” but maybe we can be “like minded” “in His image” “Christ like” by returning to that place that connects us to Him. Our soul? What if the end is when our ability to live in that “pure state of soul connectedness” is our 100% mark? Is that only/every waking thought and moment, is that when our journey will end and we will be with Him in heaven? The Bible says that God took Elijah straight up to the heavens…is Elijah the only one who has completed his journey or are there others? Elijah, the “Ahh” maybe these other named “gods” are actually ones who have completed their journeys and have truly become so close to God that we confuse them with Him, because of our limitedness?
God, Supreme Being, Alpha and Omega, the Ahh/Uhh sound in the name of every major religions “God head” God, Buddha, Muhammad, Jehovah, Messiah, Yahweh, Gandhi, Dali Lama….I heard that on a Christian radio station. Was Jesus not limited to one lifetime, but dedicated one lifetime to being a savior for all mankind…and possibly made return trips as a way to reach more of His creation…a source of reconnection with God, a branch that every generation can “find,” a prophet or seer who collects and connects us even in modern “times” like Khalil Gibran, Nostradamus, Martin Luther, Billy Graham, Mother Teresa – people whose lives have touched others beyond one religion, beyond one faith, people who are simply “fathers of faith and/or wisdom and/or knowledge” are these people the only ones or are they just the ones we accept in our limited understanding of good and evil?Who is Lucifer? He once was the closest angel to God, he is the serpent, the defiler, the tempter, the terrorizer of souls.What if evil is present as say a man that God allows Lucifer to use to tempt us or trick us, or push us onward, or even end a journey so that we can learn and others can also learn from? Like Adolf Hitler, Jim Jones, Stalin, Napoleon…
God allowed Lucifer to tempt Job and Jesus, but He declared that Lucifer could do anything, except take His life…what if life is really meant to completely end or destroy the “soul” and if He allowed it for them, did He also allow it for the rest of us?
What if mythology really is the “true” life story of the Nephilim who inhabited the earth in the OT? what if there truly were battles and wars and magical beings with angelic powers that ultimately had to be ended because of their depravity? And were they ended or allowed to try again or to try to return to His side or made to go to hell? What if they were ended but allowed to be remembered?
What is hell? The Bible talks of excruciating pain, flames, burning…people with Near Death Experience’s claim that it is a place of emptiness, darkness, nothingness…what if it is nothingness because Lucifer has everyone out working the earth for more soul’s lol funny question, but not so funny thought.
“The beginning of wisdom is knowledge” do these multiple trips make it easier to connect to the wisdom we have gained over our lifetimes…or are we able to “keep” what we have learned along the way? Is that why we find children who are “wise” beyond their age? Such as tiny cancer patients who leave behind treasure troves of kindness and warmth and acceptance of life’s existence because they are closer to the end of the journey?
Is philosophy not so much what you believe, but what you believe may be possible?
Can we do something that will set us farther back on our path? Is there something that can cause us to have to start over?Is there a second chance?
The Bible says the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit…will this end our journey and send us directly to hell? Or will we simply end and be forgotten?
The Bible says only a few have seen the “face of God” or God or been in His presence, such as John who He gave the Revelations to…are those revelations actual incremental events in the “time” we know them as or are they in His “time” and have they been scrambled like Nostradamus’ were? The same 144,000 souls traveling many lifetimes? Is this just a number that John could understand? Or is it the “true” count?
How many types of angels or spirit beings are there? Have we limited His (for lack of a better word) “collections” or “types of being”?
How can we ever say we are the only ones, when that limits Him? We know some things about Him and what He does to/for us…He saves us, He heals us, He hears us, He wants our praise, He is jealous for us, He won’t give us what we can not handle, He is our strength, He is the “one” at the end of our journey, He is the creator. Again are these just a few of the things He says He does for us? How much more are we missing?
Who’s to say He didn’t cause a Big Bang when He brought His hands together and created the Earth? In every generation of time there have been “acceptable” conditions, conditions that change, evolve…like bathing, like medicine and healing, like inventing, technology, archaeology, philosophy, religion, education. “Roles” people play, “classes” of poor and rich – smart and not so smart…like Da Vinci and his drawings of the human body and aircraft hundreds of years before they were “created/invented” in our generation…like the golden cities of ancient peoples? Like Atlantis? Even like the ark, the pyramids, Stonehenge? How much of the earth did the flood truly take away or remove? The ice age? The prehistoric ages? How much of the earth was scrambled and rearranged so that it is no longer as it was created in the beginning? And was it created all ready in formation/or with a “passage of time” that had happened when Genesis began?
What if mental illness is not a detractor, but a window that is closer to the understanding of who God is? My mental illness allows me days and days without sleep and thoughts unravel and begin to make sense…and then I sleep and let go of them, and sometimes I can not let go and I have to write.Is schizophrenia really “seeing” delusions of grandeur, hallucinations? Or is it “seeing” the real existence?
Is autism a “way” of channeling that is purposefully limiting because we are closer/farther along in our journey? Or because we need to develop some skill, or possibly affect another’s journey?
Do we come to the earth blind so we will be forced to observe with our other senses? Do we somehow need to be debilitated to embrace something we keep missing on our journey, in our other lifetimes?Just how many lifetimes are there or is it different for everyone? How old am I truly? Have I been around since Genesis or farther back?
If it says He created the heavens and the earth were the angels created before us? And were they reassigned to serve? By bringing us closer to Him? Are they uniters of souls? Not that they are God but that He has given them powers, just as He has given us gifts/talents?
Why can some people “tune” into others lives? Are they farther along? What really pushes us to abuse each other?
What really pushes us to abuse substances? Is an alcoholic really drinking to remember this lifetime? Or the horror of his future or past? Or maybe it’s just a “break-fast” on the journey? A timeout? Do we come back for small amounts of time to regroup? Do we stay in purgatory longer at certain times, because we need to regroup our soul’s, or reconnect with the family of souls we belong too?
Who is Christ? These are just some listed in the beginning of the book of John…The Lamb of God, He that taketh away the sin of the world (John 1:29) He who is preferred before me, was before me (John 1:30) He that baptizeth with the Holy Ghost (John 1:33) Rabbi, Master (John 1:38) Messias, the Christ (John 1:41) Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph (John 1:45) The Son of God, the King of Israel (John 1:49 ) The miracle worker (John 2:11), The Temple (John 2:19), The knower of all men (John 2:24), He that came down from Heaven (John 3:13) The Son of Man (John 3:13) The Giver of all things (John 3:35) The Giver of everlasting life (John 3:35) The Giver of living water (John 4:10) A prophet (John 4:19) The Saviour of the world (John 4:42) He that quickens (John 5:21) The Judge (John 5:22) The One to be Honored (John 5:23) The One who seeks God’s will (John 5:30) The One whom no one believed (John 5:38) The Healer of diseases (John 6:2) The Bread of life (John 6:48) The Living bread (John 6:51) The One who walks on water (John 6:19) Son of the living God (John 6:69) He was a burning and shining light (John 5:35) How many more names does He truly have? And are they different for different times?We are limiting God. We limit Him when we describe Him. He declares we are made in His image. He defines that He is a he or male, a father authority…He defines Himself as love, as the Word, as the Way, the Truth, the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, as the Light. Our understanding of infinite, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent can never really describe who He is or it limits Him. He can never be “all powerful” or such if we “name” it with our humanity, and is it really humanity or is that just our name for this collection of souls?
If He is truly infinite according to our label, how can we declare that there is just one heaven and one earth, when we all ready know there are many galaxies, universes…and are we the only ones or are we just the ones who “needed” Jesus to perfect us? Again is “one” our interpretation?

The Holy Spirit is the part of God granted to us for constant communion with Him…if we have the Spirit to guide us, why do we need objects to identify what He is saying? Or how He is answering us? Is it a lack of faith or trust in Him or ourselves that we need something physical, a “tool” if you will to “hear” or “divine” the answers? Like crystals, tarot cards, etc.? The angels come in many forms as many different beings for many different purposes, is God just letting them “work” because man has a need for them? Or do those angels and souls need to be used/useful?

Surely, He doesn’t need them to act on His behalf. Maybe He is just letting them help, like we do a small child, or an apprentice. Can we talk to those who have passed and are waiting because we have limited our faith and need that contact? Almost like a newborn that needs constant attention, who constantly cries out for our time and comfort. Is it because we need these “tools” because we lack faith? Are they just necessary for some people and not others?

Is this entire existence Lucifer’s journey to reconnect to God? God allowing Lucifer to tempt, try, push every limit, define the true identity of the Supreme Being. Are we the “tool” for this?I find myself with a dilemma. I believe there is one God and it is the God of the Bible. Jehovah. I believe there is the Son who is known as Jesus and one who is known as the Holy Ghost. I can not wrap my head around the “other” God-heads. I have been touched so thoroughly by Jehovah, I call Him simply God. I can’t even begin to contemplate any other name.He has left and indelible imprint on my life, I am so blessed and greatly lacking to have benefited from answered prayers. I have a poem I wrote listing numerous miracles that have happened in my life, and I believe they are just the ones I was paying attention too. I suspect there are miracles in our lives daily that we can not know.

I want to share with you one incident that occurred in my life that forever changed me. The is one time I will never question was Him in action. My father was a “good” person, who was very messed up. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old and in 1979 I convinced my Momma to let me go live with him for the summer. I traded places with my half-brother. At the end of the summer he came back, but my father convinced me to stay with him. I should say coerced to be truthful.After Momma left and went back to Florida (Dad lived in Iowa, so I couldn’t just run home), he began to molest me. Always he told me it was God’s will for me to obey him. He told me I didn’t love him if I didn’t let him. He never let me out of his sight for very long and was always trying to find ways to get me alone.He bought a house in a town about 45 minutes away and started a garden there. We are talking 3 city lots. It was huge and we did actually garden as well as the other. The miracle I am referring to is one that happened nearly 2 years later (my time clock is off when it comes to this part of my childhood). The whole family was attending a little revival at a church in that town, in the evenings.

One day my father and I went to work in the garden and I was hard pressed to escape him. It always took him a long time to guilt me into letting him, I’d lie, I’d clamp my legs together, I’d cry, anything I could think of, not because it was wrong because he had me totally convinced it was okay.I began to pray. I told God if He loved me not to let it happen again. I asked Him to stop it somehow. All this was maybe 10 minutes. I prayed the entire time, scared to death.

Then I heard a rustling in the leaves under the window. I said Dad I hear something, and he looked up and dismissed it. A little while later I heard it again and this time he heard it too, but it didn’t stop him. Then someone knocked on the front door. He jumped up and pulled on his underwear. I jumped up, grabbed my pants and shoes and ran like crazy out the back door, down to the little out house.I got dressed and walked back to the trailer and went inside, like nothing had happened. Dad was still in his underwear and still partially erect and the man at the door was the preacher from the revival. I don’t remember how it was worded but it came out that he just “felt” like he was supposed to stop and visit.That was the last time my Dad tried to touch me. No one will ever convince me otherwise that God had not sent that man to be there at that time to save me, to be the answer to the prayer I would pray that day.

6 months later he beat me, pounded my head over and over against the doorjamb to my bedroom. He kept it up until I just slumped to the floor. He looked like a different person. I shriveled up inside and he told me to stop looking at him like he was the devil. The next day I ran away, the police somehow convinced him to let me go home to Momma. I wrote about the last night and how he beat me in my poem, The Dark Shadow.

I do not lie when I tell you I made that man pay for the rest of his life. He was continually denying it and I just could not accept that “thou shalt not lie” and that if it was okay why was he ashamed of it. Anyway, to his credit over the next 30 years until he finally said it in front of my step-mom and brother, he let me come to his house and scream bloody murder and his bipolar-schizophrenia and my bipolar and stubbornness collided every time; he never kept me from coming. He never locked the door; I suppose it eased his guilt I don’t know.I gave my heart to God when I was 17, after reading the Bible for myself and hearing what it really said, without my Dad’s interpretations. Because of that I forgave my Dad for what he did, but I guess I would not allow him to get off the hook for lying.

He is gone now. I talked to him on the phone when he was in the hospital about a month before he died. I told him I loved him and I was praying for him. He was so weak he couldn’t talk.I didn’t go to the funeral either. It was really hard because I wanted to tell him once again that I forgave him and I wanted to make sure he had asked God to forgive him, I can only hope he did. Now and then I come to a place where I see how much good he really did do and how he could turn on and off the ugly angry side and I am convinced they misdiagnosed him and he had some type of split personality disorder. I can’t rationalize how no one else saw it.

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