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seed: Whither I Goest

10/23/2013

I have lately found myself looking very harshly at people, thinking to make them do what I believe they should do. Not so much to control, but I just want you to be the best…you could be so much happier if only….

The logic of wisdom is that no one really wants it until 30 years later and they realize for themselves they have lived it.

The logic for me is when am I going to learn to keep my mouth shut? They are all turning away and I am still talking, and inevitably talking to the wind, talking to myself.

So from this place I will let the words in this blog be my voice. I know two things about sharing wisdom:;  first it’s stressing me out, running me down emotionally and physically, and secondly you know where to find my voice, when you want to hear it.

I will not say I told you so, I never have really.

When I started this blog it was to share my thoughts and poetry and beliefs and my relationship with Jesus. Ultimately to share my life story and turn it from the hard facts into a song of survival, a symphony of overcoming. This blog was never really to be a public thing, just for the lonely internet wanderer who happened to be in the same place.

Ben said, “Mom you should really just start a blog to keep yourself busy.” He knows I am a shut-in and completely dependent on the goodwill of others so getting out of the house is a rarity. So after a week or so I began to share stuff from my heart. Stuff that I had written years ago. Stories, memories, events and truths that I had lived through. These things are really my life’s foundation, and this is me rubbing my fingers across the fractured edges of the cup of life I have put back together. I am able to drink from it, so something is working.

Even back in high school, the poem I won 3rd place with in the 10th grade. I actually wrote it and forgot it at home, and so the next day Mrs. Odle said to me, “Can you try to remember it?” and so a long poem became a short poem and won 3rd place, and I will always wonder if it’s a symbolic lesson. Just say enough and don’t always elaborate or puff it up, because the simplest terms seem to be the best sometimes.

With that I apologize to you who were expecting something polished and pretty. I have said before and I say again, I am a dandelion and I do not care to be a rose.

I hope you will find some truth in the seeds I spread for you.

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