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shame on me

11/01/2013

i have lived with shame, my parents were ashamed, my siblings, my friends, my own husbands…sometimes it seems like everyone is ashamed of me…i somehow learned that i wasn’t good enough unless i proved it

in response to this i tried very hard to become more like Christ and of course that is a life long process and it was my goal to instill some of what i know of God and His love into my children

recently i realized there were a lot of times i asked God to prove His love for me by showing me His presence, i love all my miracles but really i am ashamed of my faith not being blind, people are amazed by miracles, by my miracles and i am too, but how much greater my faith could have been by just believing

this week, i found out that my son whom i have been instilling my love into for so long, had become ashamed of me, it occurred to me to cry and feel sorry, and today it occurs to me that he did see the love of God in me and i had to make it right, i had to face the fact that i am human and limited, and that they are watching, and even non-believers can see

so in response to this i ask You Lord to forgive me for shaming You, disappointing my child and returning to that place of having to prove love…let it just be there once again, lead me towards Your path, and light my way, help me to become again the vision of You to others…i may be the only Jesus they see, let me be a good example, i can not be You, but let me be like You, let my faith be followed with good works in thanks and honor to them but ultimately to You…i thank You Father, Son and Holy Spirit for not leaving my side, for offering Yourself as my salvation and redemption and please keep holding my hand, and God’s child says Amen, let it be so

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