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Today I Try


After many years of hardship, at 17 I found salvation.  Not belief for I always believed, but forgiveness.  I began a journey of reaching for His guidance and oneness with Him.  I spent my time praying, reading the Bible, and raising my children.  I worked in the church and helped in the community.  Then there came an illness and the act of serving became next to impossible, but still I believed.  In that time I stopped.  I moved away from service.  I struggled to conquer the illness, which was separating me from service and ultimately leading me to protect myself.  I coped by locking my ability to feel up inside.  A tear would leak and I would shut it off violently at times.  The fear of letting go, kept me trapped in loneliness.  Then the world around me changed.  I changed.  Some control came for the illness.  I began to open up and I began to cry.  I have been crying for months.  I have been sharing my heart for forever, but now I am sharing it from another point of view.  Instead of fighting those around me, I fight the darkness within me.  I have grown and it has been hard, people around me have hurt to help me.  Growing pains happen and we must accept them as a part of life.  Today I cry, the Son is shining, I grow, I share, and I lean on His guidance.  Today I give back where I can.  Today I try.

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