blog post 4-9-2014
I was too hard on myself in my last post. Thinking about how hard I am on myself sometimes, reminds me that it is a bipolar mechanism. I tend to beat myself up when I am stressed out. Today, looking at the factors happening right now in my life: de-toxing from seroquel, increasing lamictal, being sick for a week, increased paranoia, or exaggerated thoughts stemming from med changes, other increased bipolar symptoms, and loneliness. I cannot even figure out what I am lonely. I have been engaging with a lot of people and my children, as of late, so I am wondering what that means. I cannot forget that I have also been inside a period of depression for months now. The depression has waves of times when it’s more intense, and more severe. I mean to point out that there is a difference between intense and severe. It makes me very grateful that such a growth is happening with God, I know I couldn’t handle this, thinking I am on my own. I have never really been on my own; it’s just that I don’t think about Him always being there. He is always there. Thank You for always being there.